Restless

It has been a beautiful day here in Scotland, as it has for the last two weeks, with temperatures around 12 to 14 degrees. Last year at this time the cold weather had already set in. Everybody is so relieved as we were all expecting another long cold winter.

In spite of the respite I find myself unable to settle. I have a feeling of anticlimax and crave excitement but don't quite know what to do to find it. Perhaps it is after such a good spring, summer and autumn everything seems dull in comparison?

In Buddhism we call this Dukkha, roughly translated as unsatisfactoriness. Craving is also one of the three poisons, namely greed. I know this but despite having the insight to what is going on I can't quite shake the feeling!

There is also a kind of grasping in my restlessness. I am very aware of the passing of time and feel the unhealthy need to grab at life's pleasures while I still have the health and strength!

I have also been disturbed by the polemic within my Buddhist group which has provoked a tremendous shift in the way I view the group and the Dharma. All of which is no doubt to the good but it has left me feeling unsettled.

It has left me feeling that a seismic shift is about to take place in my life and perhaps the craving for excitement is one of the time honoured ways of avoiding something that needs to be addressed?

So what to do? Sit with it in the certain knowledge that all feelings are transitory or recognise that sometimes action is required and sitting with it is not the correct option.