Not so smart phone

I was joking the other day when I said my granddaughter of eight months would soon be teaching me how to use a smart phone. HOWEVER my old mobile suddenly crashed. I went to CarPhone warehouse and as some of the cheaper smart phones were not much more than ordinary phones I bought one. It was a very stressful experience as there was so much CHOICE. The salesman ( boy ) was really helpful and set up everything and showed me how to use it in a display of extraordinary speed and knowledge, which of course I couldn't follow. "Isn't there a manual " I asked. " Yes " he said, " But it is useless" Did he think I was thick I wondered?
I got home and looked at the manual, it WAS useless! I looked up the on line manual, 137 pages of instructions, obviously translated from Taiwanese! The virtual keyboard did not seem to align with my fingers, even typing in numbers to make a phone call took so long as I keep hitting the wrong keys, and where was the back key? What was this about double taps and tap and hold and where the hell is the top up icon?

I went off to meditate and wished my old phone back. Did I really need the stress of facebook, Twitter and mobile web access. They tell me the IPhone is easy to use! Buying cheap is not so smart, even smart phones!
But WAIT I picked up my old phone and it is working again. Anybody smart enough to work my smartphone? Well just let me know.